Abused
by darkland
Summary: Nick's wife Maria's return from Iraq has been a nightmare for Detective Nick Amaro. The physical, sexual and verbal abuse he has suffered in his own private hell begins to affect his job. , but he can't deal with it and lashes out in the most unexpected ways and the only person he can trust is Olivia, but he's too scared to ask for help. Will Olivia be able to help her partner?
1. Chapter 1

"Say it!" Maria screamed in Nick's face again and then slapping him around some more. They were in the master bedroom of their apartment and Maria had just come back from the pub and was half drunk, half self medicated. She was angry and she was looking to vent her angry on somebody and it was her husband - Nick Amaro. She had been hitting him for the last hour or so, punched and kicked him where it hurts and Nick laid on the ground trying not to cry. But he did which made Maria get angry some more.

Nick's face was bruised, bloodied and his right eye was badly bruised and turning purple. Suggesting that the wound had nearly been a day old, suggesting that she may have hit him on a previous occasion. She grabbed his tie and wrapped it around his neck.

The light was on in the bedroom and around the master bedroom, things were broken and had been thrown around, mostly Maria doing the throwing towards Nick. Bed sheets were on the floor as was most of the laundry. She has been in a tirade for the last hour and Nick had desperately been trying to calm her down but she didn't and it made her more angrier. Every night, after work it was the same story. Maria was on his case. About the cooking, not cooking things to her taste and that she had a better time in Iraq with better people and Military operations then being with him.

Nick was struggling to breathe as he was curled up in the fetal position trying to deflect the blows that she was giving him, the blood poured from his mouth. He begged for her to stop it. He didn't want his daughter, Zara, to see what was going on behind close doors. She didn't want to see her mommy in this rage, and she didn't want her to experience the full force of Maria's rage. He had to protect her, and even if it meant he had to take her abuse every day until the day he died. He would.

"Please, Maria, stop." Nick begged. "Please!?"

He was grabbing at her leg as he was trying to pull himself up. Maria stood there in her military outfit. Looking down at her pathetic Husband and wincing at the embarrassment she married.

"And you call yourself a cop." She cruelly said and then kicked him in the stomach again. Maria bent down and put her hand on her face.

Maria had been back from Iraq a month and Nick knew that she had post traumatic stress disorder, but it had gotten out of control. He had tried to get her to see a psychiatrist and to talk about what she witnessed in the war in Iraq, but she didn't , all she wanted to do was drink her tour duty buddies that came home with her. In that time in the last month, her viole anger and stress turned on him and she suffered bodem of having to play with her own daughter or even have a conversation with a 5 year old girl who wanted to be with her mother as well as her daddy.

Nick was about to brace himself for another blow when he heard the phone ring. He had his eyes closed so he could wish the cruelness of his wife and what he had just been through away, wishing he and his daughter were somewhere else. But he knew in reality that he couldn't leave Maria, he needed for her to be okay. He wanted to help her. He took the abuse because he wanted Maria to get better, to see what she was doing was wrong.

He got up blood still trickling down his chin and onto his white business shirt as he looked at himself in the mirrow. His eye's seem to be different and sunken from crying and the hits, his face was bright red and scratched and the bruise in his right eye seemed to have gotten blacker, before Maria laid him into earlier that night it was starting to heal. He closed his eyes and remembered the previous night's assault. It was more violent then tonight. It was more sexual. He remembered it all. He had been shaken up by it. He couldn't believe Maria was so capable of this. That night she strangled him, she forced herself onto him when he consciously to cry out to stop it , that Zara was going to hear everything. He was helpless, she had overpowered him by using her anger and her own strength she learned from being in the US Military. He was defenseless. That night was more horrible then tonights. She violated him in way now he was a victim of rape, of sexual assault, of everything he's learnt being in the Special Victims Unit. He couldn't scream out that night because she covered his mouth with tafe as she rode him like a dog, screaming out that the ride he was going on was worth the pain and effort. She taunted him made him think about his daughter, think about his life and his family and how Maria was going to take that all away from him. The night after she took pleasure raping him , She taunted him, teased him, made him feel small about himself. It never stopped. She broke him and she continued to do so. Nick didn't want to be broken, he wanted his wife back, but he let her do it because he didn't want her taking it out on Zara. He still thought he was in control but that night changed everything.

When she had fallen asleep drunk as a monkey on a toaster oven, in the back room near Zara's room, Nick locked himself in the bathroom that night and cried his heart out, he had Olivia's number. He desperately wanted to call her, but he didn't. He couldn't. He felt shocked. Ashamed. Beaten. Degenerated. Broken. He didn't want to drag Olivia into this mess. He thought that night, since it had gotten so bad, that it was the last of it, but when he got home from work the next night, after a tough case of a father abusing his own mother, she caught Maria bullying her own daughter. Something he hadn't seen and wondered if it happened often. He confronted her about it.

Big mistake.

"She's your daughter." Nick said trying to be calm, but on the inside he was fuming. He watched his wife tease his daughter about her weight. And there was nothing wrong with her!

"So?" Maria laughed. "I was just kidding. We used to joke bout this all the time with the other soldiers in Iraq. We used to pick on our kids all the time and our spouses."

"Really?" Nick shouted, loosing his cool. He threw his keys on the kitchen bench and screamed. "So is this what you think of our daughter? You think she's a fat piece of crap that's hogging up your space? She shouldn't have been born! F…..f…you…."

"It was a joke. What am I nick? Go on say it you were going to call me a whore weren't you! I am not at all pleased. I had a good day, and picking on Zara was just a joke , you can ask her yourself." Maria screamed. She walked over and grabbed him in the crutch and squeezed him so hard that his face was turning white. He was trying to catch his breath but he couldn't.

"You're worthless, Nick. I wish you weren't here. But it seems you want to try and be the good boy and the hero. But hey when are you going to give it up? There is nothing to save from me." Maria said as Nick closed his eyes, and groaning as she continued to twist and squeeze on his crutch.

Maria suddenly let go and whacked him in the mouth with a golf club, he fell on the floor.

"Go make me dinner, I feel so much better , I'm going to go have a shower." Maria laughed. "I expect it to be ready as soon as I get out.

She left him there rubbing his face and collecting himself.

A few minutes later, Nick was in Zara's room. She was awake and she had heard the argument. When he checked on her he could hear her crying to herself.

He held her in his lap. Nick had tears in his eyes.

"I'm scared." She quietly said of her mother. "I don't think she loves me anymore."

Nick was trying not to cry, but this was heart breaking for him because he wasn't sure if Maria loved either of them anymore. He didn't want to tell her the truth. His eyes teared up some more as he plonked a kiss on her soft hair.

Zoe watched her father burst into complete tears as he put his head against her. "I still love her though , daddy. And I love you. If that means anything."

"Of course, sweetheart!" Nick said smiling through his tears. "You are the most important thing to me, remember that I will always protect you."

"Why does mummy hate you so? Why does she hurt you so bad?" Zara asked. "I hear you every night daddy. Please don't let her hurt you. I'm scared."

Nick continued to look in the mirror. I can't leave her. But I have to protect my daughter somehow.


	2. Chapter 2

Nick was in the SVU office doing some paper work. He was in pain. The injuries he sustained last night and the previous night after being viciously attacked by his wife horrifically were hurting him. He refused to go and see a medical doctor at the local hospital. His back ached, and his right eye was aching, he barely could keep it open. No one commented on it yet to his face, but he could sense that people would be staring at him and wondering what had happened. Maria was still passed out in the kitchen when he took Zara to school. He still remembered the conversation he had with her the other night. Was so vivid, so still real. She heard everything.. She knows that Maria attacked him, but he couldn't explain it in a way that he could understand. A five year would wouldn't able to understand the meaning of 'rape'.

His groin was hurting badly and he sat forward wincing in pain as he continued to write up his report on the previous case. He could hear his wife's voices nagging at him while he was working.

"Piece of shit."

"I hate you."

"Our daughter…I was just joking. But she doesn't look normal."

"You're going to do everything I say from now on. That's how it is. You're my bitch."

The ever haunting words that haunted him. He was gasping for air, so he sat forward and put his head in his hands, an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame washed over him like. He couldn't close his eyes because he could feel and see everything again. He was trying not to remember what she did to him two nights ago, but the images remained there.

He looked over to see Olivia's desk was empty. He looked ahead to his and Amanda wasn't there either. He was the only one here at the moment.

He had to get up. He couldn't sit. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't do anything. He stood up and started walking to the water machine outside in the hall. He could feel his chest tightening and his breathing almost becoming non existent. He felt a sharp chest pain. Nick's facial expression turned from solem solidness to now a grince of pain.

"Help me." He said quietly. Something was wrong.

He walked over to the water machine and felt the pain stop. Was it a panic attack? Nah, I don't get panic attacks. Although….

He nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard a group of detectives call his name, he dropped the water all over his shirt. He wasn't happy.

"Whats up, Amaro?" Fin asked, trying not to laugh. "Water on the shirt is a good look for you!"

"Fuck you man!" Nick screamed giving Fin a sharp push and he collided into Munch.

"Hey man it was just a joke!" Fin cried out. "What crawled up your asshole?"

Olivia, Fin and Munch all looked at him in surprise, other people around stopped chatting with their partners and looked up at him.

Nick's face turned pale.

"Hey." Olivia said to him quietly as Munch and Fin walked away form him, both shaking their heads, wondering what the heck was up with Nick. Amanda hug back from a distance to see how Nick was looking good. She watched as he snapped at Olivia and told her to piss off and he walked to the end of the corridor. Amanda noticed that he was walking in some kind of pain. She was now worried about her colleague.

Olivia just rolled her eyes and saw Amanda. "I swear to god he and Elliot should go out on a date. They both have exactly the same mood patterns."

"He your old partner?" Amanda asked, surprised that Olivia mentioned him to her, she noted that Olivia and Elliot had been partner for 12 years and made no point of mentioning it to her , only to Nick. Amanda was still quite surprised.

"Yep for 12 years. His mood could be over the place, like Nicks. You just don't know what mood you are going to get with Amaro." Olivia said as she put her coffee on the desk and fired up her laptop. "Funny thing though is that he never used to be like this. It's only in the last month since his wife came home he's been real jumpy, moody and distant."

"Yeah but did you see the way he was walking?" Amanda asked noting everything Olivia was saying about her partner's strange behavior.

Olivia had to smile. "I notice more then that. He has a cute ass though. I must admit."

Amanda must have missed the punchline of the joke because she continued with her line of thought. "When he walked away from you just now he was limping and walking funny. And I swear to god I could see strangle marks on the back of his neck. I'm telling you Liv, there's something up. Something is going on with him."

Olivia stopped smiling. She looked at Amanda's face and could tell that Amanda was really worried about Nick and now that she mentioned it, looking at Nick's neck as he hadn't bothered to do up the the collar button, she could see strangulation marks and they were recent, by no more then two days. And it looked like apart of the strangulation mark on his neck was bleeding a bit.

She looked around to find her partner. But he hadn't come back. She stood there with her hands on her hips. Okay. Now I'm concerned about you Amaro.

"You stay here if he comes back." Olivia commanded. She grabbed Munch and whispered.

"I need you." She said.

"Say what?" Munch and Fin said infusion.

"Get your penis out of the gutter boys." Amanda called out, rolling her eyes.

"I need you to go to the Men's room and see if Amaro is in there. I'm not going in there and neither is Amanda." Olivia said in a state of a matter of fact tone.

"Well he isn't there." Fin said.

"You don't know that. You haven't even looked." Olivia sighed. "God it's like dealing with children!"

"He's behind you you tit mouse." Munch said pointing.

Nick stopped dead in his tracks noticing everyone was staring at him. "Um why is everyone staring at me?"

"We're a bit worried about you." Olivia said approaching him. "Are you okay Nick?"

"Yeah, I am." Nick said coldly knowing full well where this going and wanted to put a stop to it almost immediately. He realized that she was staring at his open neck and the strangulation marks that were on his neck. He quickly did up the collar button. His face turned red with embarrassment and walked to his desk.

They all noticed he was walking in pain.

"Dude, what's with the walk?" Fin asked. "Hey man what's wrong?"

Nick's face turned with worry when he realized that they were going to find out about his wife abusing him. He couldn't let that happen. It would be the worst case scenario. He should be able trust his friends, his colleagues, but he can't.

"Nick somethings wrong. Tell us." Olivia said walking up to him. "Tell me."

Nick looked at his friends. He was tired, he was aching and he didn't feel like being put through the ringer with the nedless questions. He would be put through the usual dream of asking questions, why you didn't leave her and why haven't left with with Zara. He couldn't do that right now.

"I'm just tired." Nick said flatly. "Just tired."

He avoided looking at his colleagues, avoiding them staring at his sad eyes.

"What happened to you?" Olivia asked, referring to the cut and the bruised eye. She had a gut instinct telling her that there was some kind of abusing going on, domestically but she couldn't fathom the idea that her friend, her partner was allowing himself to be abused. She wasn't thinking that it was his fault, but he was scaring her.

Before he had a chance to tell her to back off, as much as he loved her and the way she cared about him, Cragen came out of his office.

"We got a call. Body dumped in Central Park. 34 year old Cashier worked at Starbucks. Let's move people." Cragen ordered.

"How is this an SVU case?" Nick asked, with just a flat sigh and tone.

Olivia caught the expression in her voice. _Okay now I am officially worried. That flat tone. And the way he's holding his stomach…. Time for me to start digging in. Nick you can't hide anything for me._

Nick sat back down at his desk. "I think I might sit this one out."

Cragen frowned and noticed the dejection in his demeanor, his face and his voice and the reluctance to make eye contact with everyone. He had also made a mental note about the bruised eye and scars, but didn't notice the strangulation marks on his neck.

"Fin, Rollins go to the crime scene. Get a sense of what happened and how the victim died and how she was dumped there. A missing files report from two nights ago was just forwarded to my email account, I've forwarded on to you all. Rest of you let's check in her last known whereabouts and her financial records." Cragen said. He walked over to Nick who was trying to concentrate on his paperwork, but all he kept on thinking about how scared he was of going home.

"Amaro, let's take a walk." Cragen said softly, noticing the fragility in his team member.

"Nah, I'm cool Captain." Nick said , a hint of suppression of about to crying in his voice.

Olivia and the others were watching from the doorway. What is going on? Nick what is going on?

"Did you want me to order you to come walk with me?" Cragen smiled. He was half joking. Nick didnt laugh.

He sighed depressingly._ I just don't want anyone asking me anything. Is that so much to ask? Why can't you fuckers leave me alone?_

He looked sadly at Olivia, she nodded to him and mouthed 'call me'.

He wish he could. Maria was cutting him away from his social and working colleagues outside of work mentally and physically. He was hers. And she made him that way.

Nick watched Olivia walk out with her other colleagues.

He turned to Cragen.

"Let's just go for a walk. We don't need to talk." Cragen said. "Just walk."

He knew. He knew Nick was in trouble and he didn't want to throw him off by guessing. He decided that Nick was a different kind of guy. He faced his own demons on his own and he didn't ask for help. Cragen decided that Nick had to be the one in control here, that if that he needed to talk about whatever it was, that he had to decided how it should be done and how it be dictated to Cragen.

Nick knew that his Captain was doing that. He figured he was doing that because he and the Captain didn't have that great rapper in a friendly way that he had with hate others. It wasn't that the Captain and Nick didn't like each other. It was the fact that each of their own reminded each other of their own. Certain things came and played between the two from the past. For Cragen it was the loss of Elliot Stabler and the way he left under such shocking circumstances which caused a ripple effect at SVU. He considered, Elliot and Nick similar in their approach to policing and certain take on certain crimes and issues and Cragen didn't want to have that kind of relationship again with a detective that would cut and run. He trusted Elliot allot, Olivia second. He saw Elliot's departure as a betrayal of his shield, his friendship and his position.

Nick didn't dislike Cragen, but he felt his overbearing need to be over shareful on Nick's life and how he should do his job quite annoying. Something his old previous captain did. And it just annoyed. The one thing he did like about Cragen though he usually liked two play the metaphor game, say one thing and completely mean another. Nick liked that, he often guesed 100% what he was thinking.

It was today, moments like this, he hated. He knew what he was doing. Nick didn't want to open up. It wasn't about the ned to know for not sharing or for his own fear and safety, it would do damage to the Military and his wife. Nick was thinking of the bad outcome and how it will end. He was thinking how if he blows the lid on his own domestic abuse, that his daughter and himself will cop the brunt of it from both sides. Inside he would just deal with it. He didn't feel safe coming out with it all. He'll do it for his daughter's sake. He can. He can take it. Nick told himself.

Nick hadn't realized it , he had started breathing heavily and turning around. Cragen was trying to get him to settle down, he couldn't understand himself what he was saying, but he was getting anxious and panicky and he could barely hear Cragen telling Nick to calm down and tell him what's wrong. People were looking around and talking about Nick's behaviour. His eyes opening wide as he was struggling to breathe.

"Cap, I can't breathe." Nick said choking on his breath. He bent down and put his hands on his knees and his breathing became more difficult. Everything was flashing through his eyes. The previous nights events, his wife's return, the first time she began hitting him. The moment she forced himself upon him. Nick struggled to choke back tears while Cragen was beside him.

Cragen turned around to notice half the precinct was staring.

Cragen shouted. "Someone call the ambulance NOW!"


	3. Chapter 3

**NEW YORK HOSPITAL**

**10.40AM**

Nick was in the emergency room. His wife Maria was glaring at him from across the room. She was not at all happy. She was still wearing the clothes from the night before. Stained pink top and blue jeans. Her arms were folding and in her hand she had some sort of weapon , a small knife, ready to use it on her husband. He avoided looking at her. The door to the main corridor was half closed but Nick could still see outside, focusing on that instead of looking at her.

He didn't remember much what happened back at the Precinct, but the nurses told him that he had an 'episode' and didn't give much description. He figured he finally collapsed over everything that he had been through with his wife.

"When your mother died, Nick, I laughed." Maria said suddenly in an angry tone.

Nick didn't look at her, but that statement did make him finch,tears whelmed up in his eyes at the thoughts of his Mother's passing.

Maria walked up to him slowly and slapped him across the face again and she screamed. "You answer me you son of a bitch! When I talk to you, you answer me and you look at me!"

She began to shake him. "ANSWER ME!"

What she didn't realize that behind her , Melinda Warner had walked passed and saw Nick in the room, she was going to approach Nick but she was stopped when she saw Maria come into the picture and make that huge slap across the face. And that screaming, it was so howling and so abusive. She caught Nick's eyes. His right part of the cheek had turned red. She realized his wife was abusing him in the hospital room and judging by that bruise, from her perspective, she knew that he didn't get that from anything but from a punch from someone.

Melinda made a mental note of what she just saw. She looked up again to see Maria punch him in the face. She couldn't watch this, she couldn't watch Nick take that from his wife.

"Hey!" She screamed when entered the room. "Hit him one more time I'm going to arrest you myself."

Maria turned around completely flabbergasted by Melinda interrupting her. Maria tried to on the charm but it wasn't going to work.

"Oh we were just having a discussion. About our daughter's school feels. Weren't we honey bunny?" Maria asked with a smile as she grabbed him for a hug.

"Bullshit - You really think I am stupid. Nick?" Melinda turned to Nick waiting for him to respond. Maria put the small knife against the tail end of his spine and slid it across it. Nick felt the tingling pain as he sat up straight. His face trying to stay perfectly still , but he had back small grunts.

"Bitch, what the hell are you doing!?" Melinda noticed what she was doing. She grabbed Maria by the arm and threw her to the floor, lucky for Maria that she stopped herself form hitting the wall.

Melinda looked right at Nick's face. She didn't need a response from him for instincts to tell her that he was domestic violent relationship.

"Nick…" She quietly urged. "How long?"

Nick nodded. "Don't. I am not going to turn against my wife. I love her."

Maria smiled from behind Melinda but she had the knife to her side and Nick saw it.

"Nick you know as well as I do, being in a relationship with a partner who abuses you…." Melinda started.

She watched him get up from the bed, he unbuttoned his shirt in front of him to reveal Maria's handy work.

"Oh my god!" Melinda rose her hands to her mouth when she saw the extensive injuries to his stomach, old cuts, bruises and cigarette burns.

"Look at my back." Nick said to her softly.

Maria turned on the tears. "Nick, why would you do this to yourself? Honey If you had any problems you could tell me."

Melinda turned to her and pointed. "You keep your mouth shut." She turned back to Nick. "How long Nick, how long?"

"I won't sit here and turn against my wife." Nick said suddenly. "As far as you know, these bruises, these burns are all self inflicted."

Nick said softly as he put his shirt back on. "Now you keep this to yourself. No one needs to know. Okay? This is my marriage. I need for this to work. Shes my wife and I love her."

Melinda watched Nick leave the room to get his discharge papers. She turned back and turned to Maria who was being disgustingly gleeful at her victory of Nick not turning against her. Domestic violence won again and it did not sit well with Melinda.

"You bitch." Maria said gleefully. "I'm with the military honey I have contacts. I could have something done to you. Never try and get someone turn against their military spouse.

"I know what domestic violence is. I recognize it. He's your husband, the father of your child, Maria. You served in Afghanistan and Iraq. If you are suffering from PTSD, you need to get help. You can't do this to your family. You can't just abuse your spouse. He loves you and this is how you repay him by beating him and burning cigarettes into his chest and back? He's a cop, YOU will get hard time for this if he reports you!" Melinda stood her ground. "I was a victim myself and I hate people like you. Skank."

Maria yawned. "Are you done giving me a lecture?" She grabbed her car keys. "I have a stupid ugly daughter to pick up as well as take a feeble husband home."

She then pushed Melinda aside and headed out to find her husband.

Melinda stood there fuming for a moment. She calmed herself and then walked out. Amongst the doctors and the patients out in the hallway, Nick and Maria were not there, they were already gone.

"Melinda?" A familiar voice called.

She turned around.

It was Elliot Stabler. A small grin appearing on his face. He hadn't seen his old colleague in a long time.

Melinda was shocked to see him. "Stabler, what are you doing here?"

"Dickie got his appendix out. Charming life I know." Elliot said.

"Look Elliot, I need to ask you something. I would as Liv, but she's out busy on a case. And I kind of need to tell someone about it. I just saw something and…look can you spare me a few minutes?" Melinda asked, sounding quite distressed.

"Um, look I can't right now, Kath is expecting me to bring me back some bad coffees. How bout at the usual hang out for ex coppers and coppers on Broadway st?" Elliot said, giving her his card. "Text me with a time and I'll be there. Is this have to do with Liv?"

"Sorta. Well.. No. I'm not even sure she even knows about all this." Melinda said folding her arms as they began walking down the corridor together.

"How serious is this?" He asked.

"I think her partner is being abused by his ex-military wife." Melinda admitted.

Elliot looked stunned for a moment. I guess SVU still attracts all the big cases! Even he knew if this all came out that one of NYPD'S SVU detectives was being abused by his ex-militant spouse, the whole thing would blow up in a huge political back fire for the victim. He knew that, after seeing how many cases in the 12 years he was at SVU.

"I think you better tell me what you know." Elliot said seriously as he guided her to the seats in the waiting room.

**AMARO RESIDENCE**

**1.00PM**

Nick was in the kitchen, Maria was in his face. He was crying.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't know she would be there." Nick pleaded as Maria threw glasses on the floor.

"You know I don't like other people staring at me and meddling in my business Nick!" Maria screamed as she threw some broken glasses at him.

He begged her to stop this. "Stop this, stop this okay. I wont let this happen again, I'm sorry for making you angry."

"I should make you suffer, but I guess the baby needs to have a cry. Well I'm going to pick up our daughter and take her out for ice cream and you are not invited. It's mother and daughter time. You can stay here and cry yourself to sleep, cry baby." Maria grabbed her keys and headed out the door, Nick heard the locking chain on the door from the outside.

She locked me in. He thought. He ran up to the door. He was going to pound on hte door, but he couldn't. He let himself slide onto the floor giving into the emotional spot that he only had to comfort himself through all this, crying lonley desperate tears that now echoed through the apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

He hid it from everyone pretty well.

"Nick, can you get out of the apartment? Can you meet me somewhere?" Olivia shrieked so loudly, she thought heard someone from out in the hallway outside her apartment calling out to her.

Nick was in tears. "I need to protect my daughter. But I love Maria."

"Nick, don't worry about that now. Can you break out?" Olivia said firming her voice, but being gentler. She was hurrying out of her apartment. She slammed the door behind her, didn't bother looking it. She was speeding down the stairs, and calling into her phone. "Nick, come on are you still there? Answer me?"

She realized that the phone had cut out. She hurried to her car.

She saw Munch waiting for her.

"Where's fin?" Demanded Olivia.

"Got a call from M.E. Autopsy results are in." Munch said, he noticed her worried look. "Whoa, slow down, Liv, what's wrong? No need to get hyped up over forgetting your badge."

"It's not that…." She was about to reveal Nick's distressing news, but she decided not to. "Look I'm feeling really ill. Uh, can you go back to the precint without me? Let the captain know?"

"Um. Sure. But you don't look sick." Munch said as he folded his arms. "What's wrong?"

"Look, I can't explain now, okay?" Olivia said pleading to him. "I'm in a hurry."

Munch didn't get to ask any more questions about her distressed partner, he watched her as she hurried into her car and sped off down the street.

**AMARO RESIDENCE**

**2.00pm**

Maria had gotten home and found Nick on the couch. Zara was in her room playing.

Maria was in the couch opening a carton of beer. She loved to drink beer, every day, made her feel good about herself, and made her forget about the things she saw in Iraq and Afghanistan. She was still angry with Nick and that Melinda woman that had butted heads with earlier.

Nick was on the couch still in his work clothes, he stood up and turned to his wife. "Maria, I love you, you know that right."

"Doesn't feel like it does it, Nick. You know I wouldn't be like this to you, if you just started being a man and being a dutiful husband. Doing what I tell you to do. Understand?" Maria screamed at him, suddenly weathering a tantrum. She then sipped her beer. "I think you better make a decision. I am sick of your Cop friends harassing me. Like that Melinda warren bitch today at the hospital. She had no right to say any of that. You make me angry all the time Nick, no wonder I hit you and abuse you."

"Why did you rape me?" Nick screamed suddenly, tears forming in her eyes. "I want to know why YOU did that to me, Maria. God, I can only imagine how much horror you might have witnessed over there, but why did you rape me? Tell me why!"

His tears were strolling down his face as he begged for her to answer him. "Why are you doing this to me, Maria? I don't want to hurt anymore. I just want to be your husband. Please, I'll do anything."

They did not realize in the corridor that their daughter was standing and listening to the conversation. Tears in her eyes. In her hand she had Olivia Benson's card and saw the number on it.

She went to her parents room and shut the door as the shouting from Maria had gotten louder. She struggled to keep from crying as she heard Maria throwing stuff around. She even her daddy cry out in pain as the argument became now a full on fight.

"It's me or your job, Nick. Make a decision. You got till tonight." Maria screamed. "Going to organise for my Army buddies to come around. Now fuck off and leave me alone."

Zara could hear her mother's footsteps closing in on her so she tried to hide, but the door already opened.

"What the hell are you doing in here you fat piece of crap!?" Maria screamed.

Zara burst into tears as Maria went of her and grabbed the child by her hair.

"DADDY!" Zara screamed in tears. Maria pulled her daughter by the hair harder and threw her onto her and began smacking her across the face, ignoring Zara's pleads and terrifying screams to stop.

Nick ran into her bedroom and screamed as he watched in horrow as Maria continued to slap the five year again and again.

"Get your hands off my daughter!" Nick screamed , he pulled Maria from her shoulders and she fell on the floor and then got up again and ran out of the room, shocked at what she had done.

Zara was in tears and her face was bleeding. He went over to her and hugged her.

"It's okay baby, baby, Zara, baby, I'm here now." Nick reassured her through his tears. _Oh my god, this is my fault. I did this to my daughter. Oh god I am pathetic, I let this happen to her. I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen. Oh my god._

He hugged his daughter continuously as she cried, he was about to carry out of the room, when he felt a huge bump across the head. He felt dizzy for a moment and he slowly let Zara out of his grip. Through her tears she saw her Dad collapse to the ground. Maria stood over him as he sank into unconsciousness.

"Mummy, don't, leave daddy alone!" Zara screamed through her tears.


	5. Chapter 5

**HOSPITAL**

**6.00pm**

Olivia stood by Nick's bedside watching him as he breathed in and out. She was just in a total state of shock of what she had discovered about her partner. The terrible lie, the truth, that he had hidden from the world. Olivia looked at his facial injuries and couldn't fatham that a tough cop like Nick would ever be in this situation. She hated herself thinking it, but it was kind of true in a way. Nick didn't seem to be a victim in himself. He was tough on the outside and in the inside. From the injuries she'd seen when she discovered him unconscious in the apartment and Zara crying her heart out in the kitchen she knew that this was devastating, and it was taking a part of him away from himself.

Seeing him with all those bandages around his wounds and a bandage around his forehead and eye, proved how much of physical abuse and torture he had taken.

He was still unconscious and Doctors said that it could be a while, but not to long before he would wake up. Olivia was anxious. She wanted him to tell him everything, she wanted to be there for him.

"Detective Benson?" Dr Michael Walker walked in, carrying a clipboard.

She turned from her chair and stood up. "Doctor."

"He'll wake up soon. But those injuries that are on his body, some are very old and have not healed, and some are very news. The strangulation around his neck is most troubling." Dr Walker said.

Olivia walked with him outside. She knew even though he was unconscious, Nick still knew they were talking about him. She had that kind of faith in him. And she wanted him to get better and concentrate on himself.

"Why?" Asked Olivia.

"Those marks are not done from a belt. Those are done from a chain and his throat is very severely damaged. I… I can't imagine what abuse he has suffered, but it has been horrible from the strangulation marks. There is some minor surgery that we need to do repair to some of the damage to the lungs, they are nothing major, just minor. But it will affect his speech for a while, as the beating he took on the brain from the weapon used to knock him unconscious was very blunt and forceful." The Doctor explained.

Olivia was devastated. She couldn't believe what she was hearing about her partner. "I suspect he was being bused over a small period of time, a month, maybe. The spouse is responsible. It's like she knew what she was doing. It's like she was slowly killing him."

"She knew where to him to cause the most damage. I've only seen this in specific military cases."Dr Walker admitted. "But we also did a rape kit."

"Sorry?" Asked Olivia, caught off guard.

"We found bruising on his genitals. Scars, cuts…"He started.

Olivia put her hand up to tell him to stop talking. _My god. She raped him. _"She raped him."

"Judging by the amount of bruises we discovered, yes." Dr Walker said, clearly just stating the facts, but carefully not to be to callous.

"Hows Zara, his daughter?" Asked Olivia trying not to cry.

"A few stitches to the face, the mother slapped her very hard to cause the tiny amount of blood that she lost. She's resting comfortably. I think she's fallen asleep. Do me a favour detective and get this one. I've never seen any case of domestic violence like I have tonight." Dr Walker said, before walking off after Olivia nodded.

Olivia walked back to check on Nick but she noticed he was awake and was sitting up.

She knocked on the door and pulled a smile. Dr Walker had come quickly back as he had been paged by one of the nurses. After ten or so minutes, they left and Olivia shut the door so she could be alone with him.

Nick had his arms folded and he avoided at Olivia. "Is Zara okay?"

"She's resting, a few cuts on her face. But she's fine, she's sleeping I think. I'll check on her later if you want." Olivia said.

Nick knew she wanted to ask him about his wife and the domestic abuse relationship with his wife but Nick didn't want to talk about it.

"Nick, I know." Olivia said carefully. "I know all about what you are you going through."

She took his hands gently. She could feel how shaky it was they store at each other for a moment. His mouth was trembling as he leaned forward. Olivia watched him reach for her, an embrace, She pulled her chair closer and heard Nick's muffled tears begin choking out of his mouth.

By the time his head had leaned on Olivia's chest, Nick was in uncontrollable tears.

Olivia hugged him tightly, and bravely tried to fight back her tears as she watched her friend grieve for what he had been through.

"I love her, liv. No matter what she does to me, I can't hate her." Nick cried. "I know it must be sick, but I can't bring myself to leave her. I know she can stop."

Olivia looked at him as he wailed, she touched his face and rubbed the tears from his cheeks. "Nick, she's abusing you. I don't have to tell you how many times that we've seen this. She's counting on your dedication to her, your submission, your dependence to not turn her in. Nick you are lucky she didn't kill you. She hit Zara, Nick. It won't belong before she starts hitting her regularly. You have to protect her."

Nick looked at her. "I don't know how to get out, I've lost my will to fight it live. She's taken something away from me. I'm scared if I go at this alone, I don't think I'm going to make it. I need my wife."

Olivia looked at the desperation in his voice and in his eyes. She never saw so much of this frightened and scared Nick. In the space of the month he had changed, but then she didn't know the torture he had gone through with his wife. She hated seeing her partner, her best friend, someone she relied on, someone who always cared about her feelings, her life and how she lived , to be on such recieving end of such abuse.

"Excuse me?" A voice called from the doorway.

Nick and Olivia turned to see Maria standing at the door. She looked presentable this time. In a dark dress and she appeared to have been 'crying'.

"Nick, honey, I'm so sorry." Maria said approaching the bed. She was begging. He could sense it in her voice and the way she looked in her face. She was depressed and upset. "I should never have hit our daughter."

Olivia sat there uncomfortable. Ready to smack her one. She had to suck in her breath, before she did or said anything to Maria that she would later regret. _Yeah and what about Nick, you abuse him so badly he's completly submissive. Willing to bend over for you. Bitch you are a grade a physcotic drug doormat!_

Nick looked at her and then at Olivia. He was torn between both worlds. One where he could get out of this abusive relationship for his own safety and fir his daughters, or he could try and fix Maria and to get their marriage back on a track. He didn't hate her, he couldn't hate, after all what she did. Even after she raped him.

Maria looked at him. "If this is about the rape…."

Olivia turned toward her, shocked at what she just heard. Nick put his head onto the pillow and turned around, Olivia looked back at Nick. At that moment Maria decided to disappear, hoping it would have done some damage, and mostly like it would have put Nick in a more of a spin. Olivia turned to him, her eyes wide with shock and surprise.

"Nick…." Olivia was stunned. She turned his head gently. "Look at me. Tell me the truth. Did she rape you? I need you to tell me yourself. The doctors did do a rape kit..."

Nick didn't want to look at her. His eyes trembled as did his mouth as he burst into tears again. This confirmed it for Olivia.

"I asked her why." He cried. "Her response was to make me feel what she felt when she was in Iraq. I didn't chose this. Liv. I …." He covered his face. "I can't bear this."

Olivia moved closer to him. "This is not your fault. Your wife will get what's coming to her. You're a victim, Nick. You have rights. You have to stop this now. I know, how it feels myself. While undercover, I was….. Well let's just say the guy got what he deserved. I will be there for you, one step of the way. It's going to be a long road, but you have to start breaking the cycle. Maria is only manipulating you because she has beaten you so down, that you keep falling. Damn it, Nick she almost killed you tonight."

Nick looked at her, he still wasn't convinced, but he agreed with what she was saying as he calmed himself. "I agree, I know that Liv. But I don't want to live through the hell that's gonna come. We say to our victims that we will support them, but they have to live through the trial. They are more brave then me. I'm a man. Society says it's women that are abused, Men are the abusers. My situation it's gonna cause a political storm."

"It makes no difference whether you are man or a woman who's been a victim of domestic violence. You know that." Olivia said. "A victim, is a victim, no matter what. My old partner saw things black and white and it infuriated me at times. I know you , Nick, you say those words, but I don't really think you believe them. You are saying this to avoid what's in front of you. A bully, a manipulating bitch who's abusing you to control you, to dominate you. You can't let that win." Olivia said, being forceful. She didn't mean to get forceful. But she was passionate, and Nick had to give her credit. She was like this with all her victims. Always there, giving them the speech, and believing them. Nick could see she wanted him to get out of this, press forward get back his own self worth and self esteem back, even if it took a while.

"What about the precinct? I don't want the others to know." Nick thought out loud.

Olivia sighed. "They're going to find out eventually. You have no shame , Nick. You are a victim. There's no shame in that."

She held out her hand and he immediately reached out to put his hands on her hand and squeezed Olivia's hand.

"Okay, then." Nick said nervously as he used his other hand to wipe the tear from his eyes. "I have to do this, but I can't do this on my own. I need to do this for my daughter as well."

Olivia nodded. "Good. Nick you're doing the right thing. I'll come back later when you are feeling more up to it. Rest now, Amaro and that's an order."

She couldn't help it sometimes, she loved to pull a Cragen on Amaro and Rollins.

Nick smiled, getting the inside joke. He barely smiled, but it was a genuine smile that Olivia was glad to see. "Thanks, 'Captain.'

Outside in the hallway, Olivia was sending a text to the Captain saying that she was on her back to the SVU Precent and that they needed to have a chat about Nick. This was not going to go down well. Although Olivia told Nick everything was going to be okay , it certainly was going to be challenging because we have a NY Cop making a domestic violent allegation against a Military who's still current on serve. She could imagine the press were going to have a field day with Nick's story and turn him into a crazed NY cop trying to get back at his wife on some ridiculous reasoning. She walked out of the hospital worrying about her partner.

"Penny for your thoughts?" A voice behind her said.

She knew that voice. That man's voice.

But did she dare want to turn around though and put that face to that voice though, that was the million dollar question.


	6. Chapter 6

Nick was sitting with his daughter as she slept in her small hospital room. Although he remember quite clearly the conversation with Olivia earlier, he couldn't help felt guity by the fact that he failed at his marriage. At being a provider, at being a husband and protecting his daughter. Maria was right. He had stuffed it up and he blamed being in the SVU division. He was now beginning to consider retiring from the NYPD to be come a full time father for Zara. Maybe then Maria would stop hitting him. Maybe then they could get back on track. He realized that Zara needed a family and he needed Maria. He could help her. He had to try. But every time he thought of giving Maria another chance, his mind went back to the rape, the most horrific of the abuse. He remembered and can still feel how small and powerless against his wife as she choked him and forced objects and herself into his body so hard that he felt like a car was hitting him. He closed his eyes and blank away the tears. He opened them again to see Zara still sleeping. Her brown hair softly somewhat over her face, and Nick gently used his hand to softly move the hair from her face to the back of her head.

"I love you, angel." He said to her quietly. "Remember that, no matter what happens."

Nick looked at her continuously, not wanting to miss a moment of her sleeping. "I'm so sorry." He said to her quietly. "I should not have let your mom hit you, but she doesn't mean too. She's very ill. Please forgive me, Zara."

He couldn't handle the guilt, seeing his daughter in here, was hurting so much. He wanted to protect her, he wanted to leave Maria, but he couldn't. He was so trapped. He knew if he tried to leave Maria would just beg for him to stay, or find someone to find him. She would use Zara against him. He was lost. Olivia made it sounds so easy to leave, but he couldn't break free. And she probably knew that.

When Nick left the room he went to walk down to the cafeteria. He could still feel the injuries he sustained on his stomach, and pain down his groin, from the rape. It hadn't healed yet and Nick was worried that there was damage. He saw other people in the hospital and as he did he saw the disappear that the New York Hospital was surrounding him. It was sad, depressive and blue. It was not a good place to be and here he was, a victim, trying to understand how he could be one and how he could fix it. He watched a medical team work on a patient in a room who had stopped breathing. He wondered if the guy was better off dead. He wondered if he was better of dead. Just get it over with. Stop the pain, stop the hurting, and stop loving. Nick thought it was sick to wanting to be trapped with Maria, but she emotionally tortured him, he was at her will. And she knew that.

Nick watched as the doctor called the time of death and then the nurses putting the sheets on the body. _Tonight, I could have been that body. I could have been that guy. _He thought.

A few days later, Nick and Zara were ready to leave the hospital. Nick was in his room putting on his Grey NYPD hoodie and Zara was sitting on the bed playing with the Ipad Mini. Playing a Dora Explorer game. Nick smiled at her, even though it still pained him to walk and move his facial muscles. Nick adjusted his jeans and then put on his belt and packed his pajamas. He went back to the closet and saw that there was nothing else to be packed. He turned to the beside table of the room and picked up his wallet and the Iphone. He checked the screen and had 1 missed call and 1 new text message, both from Olivia. He opened the message and read it.

_Glad that you are feeling better, let me know if you want me to pick you and Zara up? There's a safe house you and Zara can stay that's already to go. I also got in touch with someone who wants to meet you and discuss your situation. Anyway, respond when you can. Everyone wants you to get well and to get better. We miss you here. Say hi to Zara for me. _

He had to admit, Olivia's caring nature for him and his daughter was the reason that he hadn't topped himself. He had sat in that bathroom that night after the conversation Olivia, with the belt tied around his neck, but he had stopped himself. Olivia's friendship and Zara meant more to him then he realized. Nick looked up and panicked. Zara wasn't on the bed. The Ipad Mini was. Did she walk out? Was she hiding? Oh god….. The possibilities were endless.

"Zara!" Nick called. He was panicking now , his breathing becoming harder, and he felt his chest heavy. "Zara! Zara, where did you go!? Zara!"

He was out in the hallway looking in all directions, screaming out for his daughter, the hospital staff were looking at him as well as other people wondering what was going on.

"My daughter!She's gone. She was in the room with me , she's gone." Nick screamed, he ran a hand through his black thick hair. "Can somebody help me? Please, can you help me find my daughter!?"

The nurses looked nervously at Nick, not sure whether to take him seriously or not. A security guard was heading towards him. Nick wanted to avoid him so he headed in the opposite direction still calling out for his daughter.

_Oh my god, where did she go!?_ Nick thought. A dozen of scenarios were running through his head, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"ZARA!" Nick screamed more furiously.

"Sir, sir, calm down!" A voice called to him. It was another security guard. Who was now handling Nick. He had his hands on Nick's shoulders urging the distressed detective to calm down and to stop hi shouting or he would have to be restrained.

"I need to find my girl. She's 5. She has brown hair, she was wearing a pink dress. Please, I….." Nick cried. "Please help me."

"Sir, you need to shut-up and calm down or I will restrain you." The security guard warned. "Shut..your..mouth. Now."

Nick didn't say anything, but he was choking back tears. Then he heard her voice.

"Zara?" Nick asked. He turned around to see Zara was with Maria at the corner of the hospital corridor, near the intensive care ward.

She ran up to him and he bent down to embrace her in a hug.

Maria was standing there with a serious look on her face.

Nick ignored her. He didn't want to see her at the moment. He just wanted to take his daughter and take her away from this place.

"Why did you leave the room?" He asked.

"Mum lured me out." Zara said quietly. "I don't want to go home with mommy. She said she was going to hurt you , if I didn't go with her."

Maria was now walking up to Nick and Zara. "Let's go home, let's cook our favourite meal." She was pretending that nothing had happened.

Nick looked at her angrily and he got into her face. "I can press charges against you Maria. I am not going to do this anymore you can't control me like this."

"You rally want to go there Nick? You're my husband. Did you want me to hit you again? Do you want me to get angry? Nick this is your fault, if you kept an eye on your daughter, then she would not have run off. Now let's go home." Maria said rather coldly. "You need to cook me dinner for me and my army buddies."

Nick looked at her. "No." He stood up against her. He was putting to use what Olivia told him and advised. He looked at her and said. "I'm sorry for what happened to you in Iraq, but you can't take it out on me anymore. I'm going to stand up to you and say 'No.' I'm going to protect myself, and my daughter from you."

Maria looked at him folding her arms. "Really? Nick you have no options in here. If you take my daughter and leave me, I can paint you to be the bad guy. Don't risk this. You love me."

She grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. "We are a family. Don't take that away from Zara or me. Would you be able to live without your daughter? Because you won't win. I have friends. The NYPD won't protect you. The military will protect me."

She watched Nick's tough stance soften , she watched as those words ate him he looked down. She thrived on any kind of abuse on him. Maria knew using Zara against him would back him down and it worked.

"You will go into work tomorrow and you will resign." She barked.

"No, I need that job to support you and Zara. Don't take that away from me." Nick begged.

Maria thought for a moment. "Fine, okay. You can keep your job. But you tell your captain, you want to switch partners. That woman you work with, Olivia, is poisoning you , twisting my PTSD against you. Nick, I never would hurt you on purpose. You know I need help."

Nick didn't say anything. He watched as she turned away and held Zara's hand walking to the lifts.

**BENSON'S APARTMENT**

Olivia was making herself dinner. It had been a long day and she hadn't heard from Nick, so she naturally assumed he went to stay at his mother's. She was sure that he wasn't going to go back to his wife, not after convincing him that it was bad for him and his daughter. She was sure that he could get away from the domestic abuse. She got it that she loved him, but sometimes love can't win out and Maria needed help, the longer Nick stayed in this repeated cycle of violence, the more harder it was going to be for him to get out of it. Nick had to stop being so loyal to his wife. She doesn't deserve it. Olivia's thoughts were about her partner, and she didn't want to lose him.

She was stirring the pasta on the frying pan. Once she did a few times, she got the sauce and dumped it on the plate, it splattered all of the stove, but she didn't care. She felt something trickle down her cheek. It was tears. Olivia had been crying, and she hadn't realized it. Olivia wiped it off. She was worried about Nick, but also seeing Elliot again had sent her in a spin, when she ran into him at the hospital.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the buzzer. Someone was here. She put the spoon down and headed to the apartment door to answer it. Standing there was Nick. He looked depressed and was hardly wearing anything except for a singlet and jeans. In his right hand , he had his car keys, but she noticed some fresh wounds on his arm. Cuts, mainly but she definetly noticed something on his shoulders, more cigarette burns.

"Jesus christ." Olivia stood there in disbelief.

He stood there, trying hard not to cry in front of his work partner, but he lost it. "She said she would change."

Olivia gently grabbed his hand and lead him into the apartment.

Moments later Nick was just sitting on the couch as Olivia was nursing his fresh cuts and cigarette burns.

"Nick, you have to press charges against her. She is not going to get help or change, I know I shouldn't say this, but she's a lost cause. She's gone." Olivia said to him. "These wounds, you only just got out of hospital, and look what she did to you."

"No, Liv." Nick said as he leaned forward. "I did this to myself."

"What?" Olivia asked, confused. "But Nick…"

"No, I..I cut myself to numb the pain, Liv. Since it started, I been cutting myself." Nick choked up. He didn't know what was worse that made him weak, the fact that his War veteran was beating him or he was beating himself. He didn't know how to deal with what was happening. He put his hand on Olivia's arm and said. "I don't have the will to fight anymore, Liv. Help me."

"I will." Olivia said trying not to cry, quite horrified at how raw Nick's pain was. "We need to get you and Zara away from Maria."

"I know." Nick nodded. "Look Zara is at my sister's. I wanted her to stay away from this mess for a while."

"Does she know?" Asked Olivia. "Your she know what's been going on?"

Nick nodded as he sat forward grabbing at his head. "I don't want to tell her."

Olivia sat forward and put the band aids down on the table. She saw Nick shaking and heard her partner crying again. She put her hands around him and embraced him in a long tight hug.

"How do I tell my little sister, that I'm a disappointment?" He cried into her hug. "How, liv!? How can I tell her that my wife beats me and I anger her to do it! Tell me how!"

Olivia held onto Nick tighter as he continued to cry. She stroked his head and ran her fingers through his black hair gently to make him comfortable and hopefully he could get some rest. She would let him rest tonight. He needed it.


	7. Chapter 7

Benson's Apartment

Early Morning 6am.

Olivia woke up at 6am from an uncomfortable and troublesome sleep. On her mind was, Nick. They chatted quite late into the evening and Olivia didn't get a sleep at all, she was too focused on Nick. Her concerns and her worry. By all means she was worried about his mental state as well. She couldn't imagine the horrendous abuse he took from Maria. Seeing those bruises and cigarette burns made Olivia want to thump someone close to her, perhaps Maria, if she had her own justice, but she knew Justice didn't work that way. Olivia opened her bedroom door and saw Nick lying on the couch, his head turned to the face the couch. He was awake, she heard a muffled cry coming from him , but she didn't want to approach him. Olivia stood there and watch him for a while. He eventually did fall asleep again. When she was sure he was sleep she quietly grabbed her keys and police badge and headed out the front door and closing it gently behind her.

Olivia took the express elevator down to the ground level. Best thing about living in a up scale market apartment right in the city of New York, was because of it's perks and features, for people who could afford. Clearly she could. She took out her mobile phone and called Amanda Rollins.

After several rings she heard a yawn from Amanda.

"Liv, you know what time it is?" Amanda greeted with a yawn. "And it's my day off."

"I know, I'm sorry but I need you to come and meet me and the others at the precinct." Olivia said, she wanted to be very delicate with Nick's case as she could. She was glad that he trusted her enough for her to tell the others, but she was nervous about how approaching it. Olivia knew it was fine when it was strangers, because she didn't know them and although she was gentle, kind and associative with them, she didn't have to know the rest of them after their cases wrapped up. She knew Nick. Her buddy. Her partner. It was definitely different.

"Olivia, what's going on? Something happened?" Asked Amanda, who seemed more alert now. "You in trouble?"

"No, no. Look I'll I need everyone to be there." Olivia persisted. "Could you call Fin and Munch, I'm about to dial Cragen."

"Um okay, now I'm kind of worried, liv." Amanda sighed. "Right, I'll call em. Should be at the precinct by 7am, can I have a coffee and shower first?"

"Sure. I wouldn't dream of taking you from that." Olivia said before she hung up on her colleague. Her thoughts drifted back to Nick. She looked down at her notepad and then took out some photos she had taken last night of Nick's inuries. Horrific would be the understatement of the year. Olivia thought. Looking at them , she wanted to throw up, she had never seen so much brutality caused the horrific injuries that Maria did on Nick.

When the elevator got to the lobby, Olivia closed the folder and walked out.

SVU Precint

7am

Olivia walked in the corridor to see police officers walking around. She noticed that it wasn't full yet, but it didn't bother her though. She liked a quiet precinct, but things weren't going to be quiet for long though. She walked into the SVU squad room and immediately stopped when she saw Nick's empty chair. She approached the desk and noticed the photo of his family on it. She picked it up. Maria, Zara and Nick hundled together in the middle of a park and smiling for the camera. Happier times. Olivia thought. She shook her head and gave Maria, in the picture, an evil glare. She couldn't wait to interrogate her, or have someone else do it. If she did it, she'd probably kill her.

"Liv." Cragen called. "We're all here. We're waiting for you."

Olivia looked up from the photo and turned to see Cragen waiting at his doorway. She smiled and acknowledged him and then came into the office. Fin and Rollins were there, but no Munch.

"Wheres Munch?" Olivia asked curiously, she looked at Amanda furiously "I told you to call everyone, you can't follow a simple order?"

Olivia bit back the words and closed her eyes as soon as they came out of her mouth.

Everyone looked at her surprised by that snotty snap. Only a child would throw a tantrum like that when they didn't get their way.

Amanda looked down from Olivia's face and looked really hurt by what she said.

Olivia sighed. "Look I didn't mean that, I'm sorry. I'm just stressed."

"You pregnant?" Fin asked randomly.

"What?" Asked Olivia, quite offended by the question. "No!"

"Good, just checking. You didn't have be such a bitch to Amanda." Fin replied. "So what's this about?"

Olivia sat down, motioning for everyone to say. "It's about Nick, I think you all need to know what's been going on. He's staying with me for a while and he's sent Zara to stay with his sisters for a while."

Cragen looked concerned and cleared his throat. "Okay, but why are you telling us this? What's going on Liv? Why isn't Nick here?"

Fin and the others looked at each other, quite concerned something was wrong. They studied the way Olivia was packing her hands back and forward and moving uncomfortably in her seat.. Fin noticed her hands were shaking.

"Liv, you're hands are shaking, what's up?" Fin asked, gently putting his hands on her shoulder, giving her slight comfort. She looked at him and then turned back to the others, trying to avoid them from seeing tears in her eyes.

"If you're in any kind of trouble, you can count on us to help you out." Amanda said as she sat forward, now expressing concern for her colleague and friend.

Olivia sighed. "There is no easy way to break this news. It's about Nick, which is why he isn't here. He didn't feel up to facing you guys right now. Like I said, in time he probably will."

"Just tell us." Cragen said, expressing even more concern.

"Okay." Olivia said as she put a vanilla folder on the desk. "In that folder, is horrific pictures of Nick's back and stomach. Over the last month, since his wife , Maria , returned from Iraq, she has been abusing him What you see in that picture does not begin to count the horror of what else she has done to him."

Cragen picked up the folder on the desk and opened up, immediately his face dropped. His eyes went wide studying the picture of the horrific bruises and cigarette burns upon his body. The bruises were a mixture of black and blue and the older ones on the side of his ribs were represented with yellow. Cragen put his hands to his mouth to cover how shocking the evidence that he was looking at.

Fin and Amanda studied the Captain's face and watched him look away from the photos.

"Captain?" Amanda asked, as she made a move toward the photos. Olivia didn't try to stop her, neither did Cragen, he just continued to look the other way and at Olivia rubbing his hands around his face. Olivia looked at him, noticing his reaction to the photo as Amanda started looking at them with Fin.

Olivia turned to see their reaction. Amanda had also covered her mouth, her eyes darting back and forward at the photos as they went wide with fixation on the photos, Fin whispered something under his breath and flipped through a few more of the photos.

"Are you saying Maria did this to him?" Fin choked out. "These…these….they are brutal."

"It gets worse." Olivia warned as she ran the same hand through her hair again, feeling stressed more then usual because this abuse was someone she knew, someone she cared about. Bringing this to everyone else wasn't easy for her because of her closeness with Nick and knowing Maria for a short time. It made things so much worse for her because she had been involved with some aspect of their personal lives. Invited over dinners, Zara's school performances, family barbeques, and she would never have thought in a million years that Maria was capable of such horrible attacks.

"When Nick was in the hospital they did a rape kit on him." Olivia confirmed. "The test results were positive for bruising,he may have some tissue damage, but doctors will need for him to come in today sometime to do some examinations. This woman… she tortured her husband, mentally and physically abused him over a month, Captain. A month. No words can express how sick this makes me. We have to get her."

Cragen sat forward in his chair , still in disbelief at the photographs. "Alleged rape, Olivia. Until Nick makes a statement against his wife, all the information you are passing onto me, is alleged. Hear say at this point."

"You got ot be kidding me?" Olivia cried out. "Nick trusted me to tell you guys. He wants to move forward with a complaint, and you're telling me that we can't use any of it from me? Captain, I'm reporting this for him. My friend. My partner." Olivia had gotten up from her seat and had banged her firsts on his desk.

"Settle down." Cragen calmly said. "You know we need to follow protocol on this one and I want Nick to tell us. He can chose whoever he wants to report it to."

Olivia calmed down a bit. They were going to take the complaint seriously. She breathed in a bit.

"I woke up this morning, I watched him, Captain. I don't think he slept a wink at all last night." Olivia sighed. "And you want him to sit through the grueling details again?"

Fin and Amanda were quiet, they were still in a state of disbelief.

Fin cleared his throat. "His wife in the military huh?"

"Yeah." Olivia responded.

Fin looked at the photos. "You think she has PTSD?"

Olivia folded her arms. "I don't care, what she did to Nick was beyond more then just domestic violence. It was pure anger, torture, rape."

"Her defense team could argue that." Amanda added.

"What the hell is wrong with you people!?" Olivia screamed, she kicked the chair to it's side violently, Amanda and Fin immediately stood up from where they were sitting, afraid that she was gonna go after their chairs next. "Nick needs us, he needs our support and you're thinking of strategies on how the defense team could argue that the abuse was related to PTSD. Way to go guys."

"We're not saying that Olivia." Amanda stepped in, watching her colleague get more upset. "But we have to pull this back a just because Nick is our colleague we have to go protocol book by book. Look at how this will be played out once the investigation opens, it's going to be pretty much all hell breaks loose with the military protecting one of their own. It's going to look be NYPD vs Military in the press and in the court."

Olivia looked at her. That was it for her. Amanda just did not get it. Olivia thought. She walked up to her and slapped her across the face hard. She knew it was a big mistake to make, but she did it anyway. Olivia didn't care about protocols or about the military or the defense that could be argued in this case, all she cared about was protecting and helping Nick and none of them didn't seem to want to help her on this.

"You guys should be ashamed of yourselves." Olivia shook her head. "If this was any other case, or a female police officer, we wouldn't be rushing to turn against them, we would be holding their hands, guiding them and preparing them, but because this is Nick, a man, and his wife doing the abusing, we have to tread careful and worry about the Military, that is complete bullshit!"

Amanda was still rubbing her cheek, it had turned bright red from the slap and it was feeling pretty soar at the moment. Thanks Liv. Amanda thought angrily. Cragen stood up.

"Okay okay we take your point, liv. But have you considered what Nick wants to do? How he wants to play this? I need to talk to him myself. I want to talk to him. Doing it through you isn't going to get anything done. For the record , Liv, I agree men can be victims in domestic violence, in fourteen years, I have only seen a small percentage, and it does not make it not real. You don't need to be preaching to the preached here, we all work here and see what goes on everyday behind closed doors of victims lives." Cragen reminded her.

Olivia sighed again, this time she agreed with Cragen. "I'll talk to him again, I'm sure he wants to report this. He wants to get his daughter out of that environment, if not for himself. That's his main concern."

She then walked out of the room closing the door behind her.

"She's too close to this." Fin commented.

"Gee…you think? She could screw this up. Nick has to come and report this himself. When he's ready, not when she decides." Amanda said.

Cragen, for the first time found himself agreeing with Rollins. He didn't like her comments about the military and the NYPD before. "I agree. I'm going to ring Cabot, and bring her up to speed, unofficially. I want you guys to start checking in on Maria Amaro's background. Where she grew up, her military experience, and anything that might alued to her abuse on Nick, I want to know everything about the time she served in Iraq, anything that may have contributed to this mess. We also have to look into Nick as well. His past too. We don't want any surprises if this is going to end up in court."

Fin and Amanda looked at each other nervously.

"We bringing Munch in this?" Fin asked as he opened the door.

"If he ever gets his bony ass in the squad room." Cragen muttered, as he started dialing Cabot's home number.

Fin and Amanda were satisfied with that answer as they walked out of the office and closed the door.


	8. Chapter 8

**BENSON'S APARTMENT**

**8AM**

Nick was in the bathroom nursing one of his rib wounds, from when Maria had brutalized him last. He was feeling to see if there was any broken ribs, but there wasn't. But the pain was still there, to serve him as a reminder of the boots she had used to kick so badly with. He remembered lying down and begging for her to stop hitting him. He couldn't remember the countless times where she just laid into him, if she had a bad day since it all started, but he took the brutality of it so his little girl couldn't. In his own private hell when no one was around, he'd cry, to let out the hurt and the anger and frustration of what Maria was doing to him. The bruise on his ribs, were now purple and black and it seemed to be larger then before. He put his around his stomach and to feel some more of the bruises, he closed his eyes and flinched and he couldn't help moan as he felt the pain. Nick looked in the mirror to see how his while body shaped up and it was not a pretty sight. His neck still bared the gift of strangulation marks and as he looked closer, he could see that it was bleeding again. His eye was healing a bit better but not by much.

_You poor pathetic son of a bitch._ Nick thought harshly of himself. _How did I let this happen? Was Maria right, had I become so complacent that I failed as a man? For her to hit me the way she did, maybe I had it coming._ Nick's thoughts betrayed him at the moment, the more he thought of his wife, the more he sad and angry he got. He was tormenting himself over it. He failed to see her as to what she truly was. A predator. A person who used her Military experience as an excuse to hit him. Nick was finding it difficult to try and go ahead press charges against her. But in the end he had Zara to think about and he knew Olivia would be in his corner all the way.

His thoughts further interrupted him when his phone rang. He turned around and then stopped suddenly. A horrific thought entering his mind that it could be Maria calling him demanding that he come home and face another round of her mental abuse.

Nick went to the couch where he left his Iphone and saw that it was Cragen's personal mobile number. He debated not answering it. However he decided he had to eventually face his Captain and the others sooner or later.

"A…A..Amaro." Nick stuttered.

Cragen was in his office and heard Nick's stuttered reply. He thought that Nick was too terrified to answer the phone. "Nick, it's me. Cragen."

"Yeah…" Nick said, suddenly an over whelming shame and sadness consuming him again. "I.I'm sorry."

"What for?" Cragen asked surprised by Nick's out of the blue apology, immediately thinking that Nick was in more trouble psychologically as well as physically.

"I shouldn't have stumbled like that." Nick said running his hand through is hair. "Maria never liked that. She'd…"

His voice trailed off and Cragen didn't have to guess the rest.

"Olivia told us about your situation, Nick and we're all here for you. Are you up to coming in to talk with me today?" Cragen asked, trying not to push Nick in not doing anything that he didn't want to, but gently reminding him at the same time in not so many words, that hearing it from Nick's mouth would be a start for the building of the case.

Nick cleared his throat. He froze, the realization that they knew and that it was out there and the Captain was ringing him, sunk into Nick that it was out there now and that he'd have to now control it in a way so he could deal with it and ensure he gets the help he needed.

"I guess. What did Olivia tell you?" Nick asked nervously. His train of thought and his brain betraying him at the same time, images and the words he wanted to use were betraying him and he could just barely get that question out without fumbling over.

"Everything, Nick. She uh, she showed us what you've been bearing. It's horrible , Nick. I'm sorry you are going through this." Cragen gently said. He knew how volitle Nick could be, like Elliot, he had a short fuse and he saw it on some of the cases they investigated recently.

"I'll be in this afternoon." Nick said. "How's Liv? I know I dumped it all on her last night but I needed to get out of there. Protect my daughter and myself. I just went straight to Olivia's."

"Well I think she's very worried Nick. No one would have guessed that this was happening to you. But maybe you can talk to her, she slapped Rollins today, things got heated between the two of them. I know you got a lot on the plate, I know she's in your corner, I think she needs to take a step back a bit. She's very passionate."

Nick didn't argue there. "Agreed. I'll talk with her when she comes home. Hope Amanda is okay."

"Oh she's fine. She's just going to use Munch as her gossip bag, you know how she gets." Cragen said, with a small laugh.

Nick couldn't help laugh at the thought of Munch and Amanda gossiping about the latest celebrities and conspiracy theories. He didn't laugh, but he smiled. He did chuckle but the bruises over his body, reminded him it wasn'ta good idea, so he stopped and smiled. "I'll see you this afternoon."

"Rest up." Cragen said.

Nick smiled. "Thanks, I will."

He then hung up.

Olivia still hadn't returned to the apartment by the time eleven thirty rolled around, Nick was still in his jeans and he wore a spare NYPD grey hoodie that Olivia had let him use, until they went back to his residence to collect the rest of his stuff. He wasn't sure where Olivia was, but he was hoping that she would be back before he went to meet Cragen in the afternoon. He grabbed the spare set keys and his wallet and phone and headed out the front door.

Out on the busy street, Nick turned to look at the people that were walking by, hurrying to their next place, talking on their cell phones planing next their move. Nick remembered how life was simple at it's best, until everything was edged out of him slowly by his wife. Nick walked across the street and saw his favourite cafe. He wanted to go in there but it reminded him on the very first date he took Maria. Pleasant memories. And he also remembered that night before the rape how volatile and aggressive she was when they were sitting down to eat. Nick's face dropped, realizing that moment. That it was his fault, he shouldn't have brung up her temper and her violence towards him. He knew how angry she got later. He should have just kept his mouth shut that night.

_The night sky in New York lit up with the bright lights from buildings and street lights, as Nick, Maria and Zara sat down on the street. Maria slammed her phone on the table, and gave her a daughter her water bottle to shut her up. _

"_You happy now Zara? You and your stupid drink. Here, have it." Maria angrily had shoved it under her daughters nose on the table. Zara looked down and tried very hard to keep her bravery. She hated it when her mum was this. It scared her alot._

_Nick sat down next to his daughter, noticing Maria's mood again. He then looked at his daughter who was looking down ashamed and not smiling like she had been before. Zara had been excited about going out to dinner and then for a wonder in the park with her parents. Nick eyed Maria again. As soon as he sat down his daughter grabbed onto his suit jacket and then started softly crying to herself._

_Maria banged the table. "Oh my god! My child is a cry baby! I didn't even do anything nick I gave her her damn water bottle!"_

_Nick rose his hands and pointed at her. "Take it easy, Maria, please. What is up with you? Where is all this rage and anger coming from? I thought we could for one night enjoy a night out for dinner with our daughter. As a family. Talk to me, I'm your husband."_

"_Fuck off." Maria angrily said as she banged the table again with her firsts. She tucked her hair back into her coat and she looked away from Nick and stared at the night scenery of New York. Wishing she was somewhere else but here. Right now, she was angry. Nick was telling her what to do again. She was so sick of men in her platoon telling her what to do, and she hated how Nick was trying to tell her what to do again. It bothered made her angry. And she didn't know why it bothered her so much. She ran her hand through her hair and turned back to Nick and looked at him. She forced a smile. Looking into his eyes she could see the love was still there, he still cared for her, but she didn't and she knew it. Maria was stringing him along. But didn't have the courage to leave and wreck the simplicity of the marriage. And it angered her so much._

"_Nick…" Maria started. "I hit you because I'm scared I am going to hit Zara."_

"_It's more to it than that." Nick said, knowing full well that this conversation was just being repeated over and over again. Maria says all the right things but she doesn't learn to put those words into actions and the next time she does it, she's not so much remorseful._

"_You think I'm cheating on you don't you?" Maria screamed pounding her hands on the table, this time everyone around them noticing._

_Nick turned around and looked at them embarrassed and then back at Maria who was now fuming and her right leg was now shaking. "Calm down, Maria. I want to talk about this, I assume you do. But not here, let's just have a peaceful dinner please, for Zara?"_

"_Oh you are using my daughter against me? Everyone does this to me! Turning things and everyone against me when they don't get their way, just like you Nick, you always think I'm cheating on you. I should be thinking you could be possibly doing the same thing with that partner of yours. Whats her name? Olivia? You fucking her?"_

_Nick covered Zara's ears, she was still clinging onto her dad, but Zara's grip on her jacket. He sensed his daughter was getting anxious and nervous now that Maria was getting angrier by the second._

"_No,Olivia is just a friend, my partner at work. That's it." Nick reassured her calmly._

_Maria shook her head. "You always spend your time with her, why don't you want to spend time with me? You act as if you are scared of me!?"_

"_That's because I am!" Nick cried out, not meaning for his voice to grow louder, but it was true. Maria's behavior was becoming more eractic. She had only been home for 2 1/2 weeks. The mental and emotional abuse she was giving him was now getting to the point that Nick just agreed with everything she said, and she always seemed to love picking fights on just everything he did for his daughter, for himself and for her. The physical abuse had grown from pushing to burning him with her cigarettes on parts of his body at night when she came home from the pub with her mates._

"_Maria, I am being patient with you, I really am. I am tolerating your abuse towards me because I want to make this work, I do, but I don't know how much of this I can take anymore." Nick sadly said tears whelming up in his eyes. "I love oyu, Zara loves you, can't you see what you are doing to us? What happened over there? What's so bad that you keep hidden that you have to take it out on me emotionally and physically? Talk to me, I'm here."_

_All of a sudden Maria screamed and grabbed Nick's arm and bit it._

_Nick screamed in pain as he felt the sharp teeth bite into his skin. He thought he was going to cry as the pain shot right through him._

_People had turned around again and watched as Maria continued to bite his arm. She continued to bite into his arm harder. _

"_Mummy stop! Mummy!" Zara begged watching her father struggling to get his arm away from his wife. Blood was starting to seep through the wound that she had made. Maria stopped and sat back in her chair. Nick was stunned and holding back his tears as Maria grabbed her belongings._

"_You don't talk to me ever like that in public, Nick. Never!" She screamed in his face. Zara looked at her mother, who eyed her._

"_Come on Zara. Let's go home." She ordered._

_Nick helped his daughter out of the chair, well aware that people were watching and in disbelief discussing what they just had witnessed._

_A young female came up to Nick to check out his wound. "You need to get to a hospital wound, she bit deep. I have to wrap that up until you get there."_

_Maria pushed the young citizen away from her husband. "No he's coming home with me."_

_Nick started to feel a panic attack coming on. "Let's just go to the hospital, please."_

"_NO!" Maria screamed at him. "You shut your mouth Nick!"_

_She then turned back to the woman who had tried to help and pushed her to the ground. "You stay away from my husband! Stop screwing him!"_

_The woman was being helped up by another couple who had gotten up from their seat. Nick was standing there, not sure what he wanted to do. _

"_Let's go!" Maria screamed at him. "You shouldn't have done this Nick, this is your fault! You got me angry!"_

_Nick muttered. "O..Ok..Ok. I'm sorry Maria. Forgive me, You..you are right of course. I'm wrong."_

_Maria smiled and grabbed his arm and lead him away not caring that he was a bit dazed and tears had formed in his eyes._

_That night after Zara had gone to bed, Nick was lying on the couch trying to forget about and come to terms about what had happened at the cafe earlier that night. The perfect plan to spend the night with his wife and daughter without it being ruined had gone completely awry. Nick was blaming himself. He should have kept his mouth shut and let Maria rant. He should have known what she was like once she started on something. He did this to himself. _

_He wrapped his arms around his shoulders, holding back his tears. She had hit him with the belt as soon as they walked in the door and left a bruise on his left cheek. He had to think of a way to cover it with his work mates, so they wouldn't find out what had been going on._


End file.
